We at PSA believe very strongly about playing devil’s advocate to our ideas, theories, and beliefs because we want to ensure that what we say, present, etc. is truly reflective of reality and completely unbiased. As such, we have to admit that there were small moments in which we wondered how the issues exhibited in the “Sex in Stock” series were relevant to everyday life, particularly for women who are NOT sex workers. Unfortunately, we must report that the answer to our self-posed question is “yes”—the social norm of purchasing women’s bodies affects all women as the following accounts of our very recent personal experiences suggest….
Last Saturday, we were on our way back from a friend’s birthday celebration when a guy began to harass Marie on the street. He was a young, white male who seemed to be somewhat intoxicated or high. We brushed off his proposition to which he responded with, “Oh, come on. Please! I will pay you.” There he was, blatantly offering to purchase Marie’s body in exchange for money.
Later than night, when Anna was on the subway with her sister, she experienced yet more harassment on a sexual level. A group of about eight Hasidic Jews were staring at Anna and Melania through the glass window in between cars. At first, the ladies thought this was quite funny because it was very entertaining to see eight men trying to squeeze their heads into the window to all get a better look. Nevertheless, the situation turned ugly when one of the men started making oral sex gestures and his friend started gesticulating money offers. Soon, Anna realized they were trying to offer her money in return for sexual services. She looked at Melania who was eating a sandwich at the time and said, “Wrap up that sandwich. We are going into that car.” Melania was hesitant, but Anna told her that they had to do this for all the other women out there, “We have to show these men that they cannot do things like this.”
At the next stop, the ladies exited their car and entered the car in which the men sat. They stood right next to them and looked them each in the face. Of course, all the nonverbal remarks stopped and the men were not offering money in return for anything at this point. Anna asked them, “Not so brave now, huh?” She stood there very proudly and dominantly. At the next stop, the ladies got out and returned to their previous car, but sat with their backs turned away from the men so as to not look at them anymore.
Finally, only a few days later, Marie was walking on the train platform waiting for a train to Connecticut when a beverage salesman started to whistle at her as she walked by. When she turned around and started walking toward him, he stopped whistling and looked away. Marie stopped right in front of him and said, “I’m not a dog so why are you whistling at me?” He looked down and mumbled something that sounded like “sorry.” After which, Marie turned on her heel and walked away. Although he was not explicitly trying to buy sexual favors, the man was treating Marie like a piece of meat to be called upon at his whim and partook in the very prevalent problem of sexual street harassment.
What do you think about our three experiences? Have you ever experienced anything similar? How would you react if this happened to you?
We’d love to hear your thoughts! Let us know in the comments section below.
Peace and Possibilities,
A & M
While my reactions vary depending on how safe I truly feel to confront someone, ever since I moved to a large city I’ve been quite sassy with men who make remarks towards myself or anyone around me. Whether it’s whistles, remarks on how sexy I (or someone) look, I just stop, look them in the face, tell them that’s entirely inappropriate and disgusting, and carry on with my day.
Good for you, Michelle! It’s smart that you put your safety first and awesome that you constantly remind men that women are not products on a conveyor belt to be objectified. If every women did as you do, the streets would be a whole lot different.
Something like this happened to me just yesterday! I was taking a taxi and the driver called me “Sweetie” at least 3 times during the trip! Saying “Sweetie” is like saying “Baby,” it’s enfantalizing. Also, “Sweetie” is a term of endearment. The taxi driver didn’t have an intimate relationship with me so the fact that he called me “Sweetie” is evidence of an underlying sexual possession. Because I’m a woman, he automatically and subconsciously assumes that he’s above me and possesses me. Sex in Stock! But don’t worry, ladies, before I got out of the taxi I said to him, “By the way, women do NOT appreciate being called Sweetie.” He apologized and said that he learned something new today. I hope he keeps that lesson with him!
Amazing Kim! The taxi drivers we encounter in NYC can be so rude and crude. Because they drive like maniacs they think they can get away with yelling crude comments because they are here one moment and gone the next. But we must hold them accountable for their comments.
Absolutely, Tyler! Good on you! Allies (people who are not part of a certain group but fight for the rights of that group) are super-important in the fight against inequality. Just like you support women. Whites must support people of color, Christians must support non-Christians, heterosexuals should support homosexuals, etc. If those who bring hate see that many different people are fighting together, then they will see these issues as HUMANITARIAN issues versus the issues of only a certain group of people.
While I abhor bigoted behaviour and exploitation in all its forms, I feel this discussion needs context. Just saying this type of behaviour is bad is one thing, but it does not explain ‘why’ it happens.
New York City, like so many other Mega-cities is a melting pot of humanity. Each community (religious, ethnic or sexual), comes with its own set of morals, perspectives on life and attitudes towards ‘appropriate behaviour towards other people’. In three examples above we have the religious (Hasidic Jews) and ethnic (Was the beverage salesman a ‘white American Male’).
The first guy who harassed Marie on the street was just plain ‘wrong’ – Devoid of manners, courtesy or any other social graces his parents failed to pass on to him. While the manner in which Marie was dressed at the time may have prompted his action, there is no excuse for this kind of behaviour from someone from an Anglo-Saxon, Christian upbringing. In my book, even Prostitutes deserve respect. The same respect I would afford to my Mother or Sister. Please don’t infer from this that I think Marie was dressed like a prostitute, only that the way a woman is dressed ‘does’ effect the way men are attracted to them. On balance, the more skin that is revealed and where it’s revealed, will peak attention. For example, if a women wears a bra that emphasises her exposed cleavage, don’t be surprised if guys look at her breasts – All guys – Not just the guy she ‘wants’ to notice. There is nothing wrong happening in this example, it’s normal, evolved human behaviour.
This leads me on to the Hasidic Jews in the Metro car. In their community women are expected to dress in a particular way – Usually pretty modestly. In their environment a women exposing skin (even just a little) is seen as ‘loose’ or immodest. So from their perspective ‘any’ women dressed inappropriately is to be reviled. So what these guys did was not right or wrong, but to be expected as it is what they have been trained to do, to reinforce the rules of their own community. You can expect similar behaviour from Men recently arrived from the Middle East or North Africa where strict dress codes are imposed for women. They can see Western women as ‘available for sex’ and these men frequently have little concept that this is just another form of dress code. Not so much a problem when these men travel to North America or Europe, more a warning to Women from North America and Europe to be aware when they travel to the Middle-East or North Africa. I.e. Think about where you’re going and dress accordingly. This does not demean your rights as a woman; it’s more about ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’. Oh and it applies to guys to.
As for the beverage sales guy, I’m not sure. Work men and the labouring community have been whistling at women since they started gathering in groups. Different woman perceive it in different ways – Some see it as a harmless form of flattery, while at the other end of the scale some find it threatening and feel intimidated by it. This is where it gets a little confusing for us guys – When do women like to be publically flattered? If that answer is ‘never’ then we can campaign to eradicate it, unfortunately, I don’t think the answer is that simple. Equally, we can’t instruct guys to do it in a way that is clearly to flatter and not intimidate, as that variable is not in their control. It depends how the attention is ‘felt’ by the woman on the receiving end. It’s also important to note that in the context of a group of guys, this behaviour is not so much about the woman it’s directed at, but the bonding of the male group itself.
In summary then, I am not seeking to excuse the behaviour of each of the individuals or groups, but to give it context. While everyone has the right to go about their daily lives unmolested, it is naive to expect that right to be respected in all situations and however much it may be enforceable by Law. We now live in a complex, globally mixed environment where the world is coming to us, as much as we are going out to meet it. This has created tremendous change and you will find conflict to those changes at the meeting points of the different communities who continue to change at different rates. Is the Value of Women’s bodies in everyday life, just part of that process or should we continue to see it as ‘the Battle of the Sexes’?